When we are addicted to something, we never get enough of that thing we are addicted to. There is an addiction widely spread, more than we like to admit. An addiction that contrary to other addictions receives a great support from society: workaholism. We repeat to ourselves and others: “I’m working” denying needs, hurting those who are around us and abusing and bending relationships.
“I am working” is surrounded by an aura of goodness instead of being stopped as toxic.
Like for other addictions we abuse of a substance to suppress/avoid feeling in a certain way, a pain too heavy to face, a relationship with a part of ourselves... We abuse in an attempt to numb down and to control something we can’t accept.
How many hours you work every day? I used to work at least 10 hours a day, without counting the addiction to constant checking emails. I used to pride myself with “you can always reach me”. Sounds familiar? Working and only working, or thinking about work constantly, we go on overdose. We dissociate from our feelings and run on autopilot. Doing more and more with the illusion that one day we will be free, human, at ease… The classical addictive behaviour that prevents us to experience our human senses, feelings, thoughts. The paradox is that this continuous focus on the doing makes us feel, as a consequence, powerless rather than more powerful and in control. We simply do not have the energy to be powerful in this state.
Have you ever seen this working with any other form of addiction? Has dissociation ever brought more livelihood?
Operating under the model of constantly DO more so to HAVE (power, control…) and postponing our BEING (to maybe one day after that important promotion) puts us out of synch. As a result we live in constant feeling of lack and scarcity which feeds back the loop of DO more to HAVE power over something.
Think about all the excuses and logical explanations we make to justify why we have to pick up that work phone call while having dinner with our partners, or why it is ok to miss few hours of sleep, or even why we can’t attend our children sport performances. I do not argue against those motivations, I am sure you, like I, have all valid and brilliant explanations for them.
We have to start being honest and admit that we are more committed to the DOING than the BEING.
In the DOING mode, with no capacity to self-fulfil , self-regulate and self-nourish we start to defend against a self-inflicted pain. The suffering we experience is happening in the attempt of controlling for power, in the strategies we put in place to manipulate resources and gain more power, in the structures and models our minds, orphaned from feelings, try to construct to keep us safe.
Let me say it with poetry:
“… The illusion of controlling the world
In the frustration of not being able to control ourselves
The craving for power we do not have
So we abuse
Turning our back
Numbing down… “
We crave for the illusion of control… The Whisper - A lyrical conversation with the multitudes.
How many days sober have you been?
If you’re interested to learn more about our knowledge and experience and would like to discuss how we could support through our consultancy, workshops, and talks, drop us a line at fateme@rnewb.com.
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