In Tea of Tibet I wrote a short poem titled Chains:
The eternal knot
Has no beginning no end
Is a spiritual look
At the infinite chains
We lock ourselves in
We often find ourselves locked in the chains of the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer—a narrative that not only entangles us in the throes of victimhood but also ensnares us in the roles of rescuer and persecutor, shaping our self-esteem and sense of worth.
While much attention has been devoted to the perils of victimhood, the allure of the rescuer role cannot be overlooked. From the allure of being the hero who swoops in to save the day to the validation gained from being the one others turn to for help, the rescuer role offers a seductive promise of significance. Beneath its glossy exterior lies a perilous trap—one that erodes our boundaries, depletes our resources, and ultimately undermines our sense of agency.
Similarly, the persecutor lurks in the shadows of our consciousness, casting a long shadow over our self-esteem. Whether manifested through overt aggression or insidious manipulation, the persecutor role feeds on our insecurities, driving us to assert dominance over others in a misguided attempt to bolster our own sense of worth. Yet, in the process, we become prisoners of our own cruelty, trapped in a cycle of aggression and resentment that only serves to further diminish our humanity. But liberation lies not in embracing any of these roles but in transcending them altogether.
Instead of seeking validation through these roles can we cultivate a deep sense of self-worth rooted in our inherent dignity and worthiness? Can we reject the promises of significance offered by the rescuer role and instead embrace the humility of genuine compassion and solidarity? Can we confront the shadow of the persecutor within ourselves, acknowledging the wounds that drive us to lash out and finding healing through empathy and accountability? In the end, the greatest act of rescue is the one we enact upon ourselves.
This narrative, ingrained in fairytales, perpetuated by societal norms, holds us captive in a cycle of dependency, disempowerment, and disillusionment.
From the moment we are introduced to the tales of damsels in distress awaiting their knight in shining armor, or the hapless protagonist pitted against a malevolent villain, we are indoctrinated into the belief that our salvation lies outside ourselves.
We often fall prey to the illusion that more information, more expertise, more external validation will rescue us from our perceived inadequacies. We seek out therapists, coaches, consultants, hoping they will hold the key to our liberation, only to find ourselves trapped in a never-ending cycle of dependency.
I want to spend also few words on the impact of such narrative on national and collective identity and behavior. Nations that embrace the role of "saver of democracy" or "liberator" often cultivate a sense of moral superiority and righteousness, which can shape their foreign policies, military interventions, and cultural perceptions. This narrative can lead to a sense of duty to intervene in conflicts around the world, even if it means disregarding the sovereignty of other nations or perpetuating cycles of violence.
Conversely, nations that are constantly painted as "evil" or as the "enemy" face significant challenges in shaping their international reputation and relationships. Such labeling can lead to isolation, demonization, and the justification of hostile actions against them. It can also create internal divisions and fuel nationalist sentiments as the nation seeks to defend its reputation and assert its sovereignty.
Sociological studies have examined the impact of national narratives on collective identity and behavior. For example, studies have explored how national narratives are constructed and reinforced through media, education, and political discourse, and how they shape attitudes towards other nations and groups. Additionally, research has examined the role of collective memory in shaping national narratives and how they evolve over time in response to social, political, and cultural changes. In terms of how national narratives influence the creation of services and programs, consultants and therapists may be influenced by the prevailing cultural norms and values of their society. For example, in a nation that prides itself on individualism and self-reliance, therapeutic approaches may focus more on empowering individuals to take control of their lives and overcome challenges independently. Conversely, in a nation that emphasizes collectivism and community support, therapeutic approaches may prioritize social connections and mutual aid.
We all must critically examine the narratives that inform our lives and work and consider how we may perpetuate or challenge existing power structures and inequalities.
I want to invite as all to break free from these chains with a poem:
A twisted triangle,
Victim, persecutor, rescuer.
The victim, draped in robes of despair,
They cry for salvation, for someone to save.
The persecutor, with venomous tongue,
They wield their power with cruel delight,
Yet in their shadows, they too fear the night.
But ah, the rescuer,
A hero in waiting, the savior of the world.
For in this triangle, no one is free,
Bound by roles, they cannot see.
Poems to cultivate a more poetic life and In Defiance of What Rules Us can be dowloaded here.
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