Every time we experience something, we interpret it for ourselves. Let me give you an example: one day, while I was travelling in Vietnam, I complained about the heavy monsoon rain. My guide, patiently listening to my rumbles, looked at me and said: “Rain is liquid sunshine!” I stopped complaining and enjoyed the liquid sunshine by playing (like children do) in the puddles. Perception is key to resilience: how do you perceive, sense and understand the events of life? Shane Koyczan called out all our resilience “If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces."
Simone de Beauvoir explored both the chances and choices that converge to make us who we are. It is together chances and choices that shape who we are. It is the awareness of the choices we make (or don’t) that shape our character. We might be tempted to think of resilience as a strength. What if instead is the embodied courage to choose? And, choose what?
Tossed into the world, I have been subjected to its laws and its contingencies, ruled by wills other than my own, by circumstance and by history: it is therefore reasonable for me to feel that I am myself contingent.
Perhaps is from the knowing of being contingent that resilience sprouts. Perhaps resilience is built by nourishing our inner strengths and outer resources. Perhaps is the courage to use our power of choice in order to overcome adverse, even traumatic, circumstances.
According to Dr. Levine who analysed studies done on youth, young adults, and elderly there are 4 main dimensions that support resilience. They are:
(Personal) being - a sense of self, one's self-image and sense of identity. It includes an appreciation of strengths, as well as an awareness of one's limitations, and reflects a perception of being “grounded”.
(Social) belonging - a sense of being an integral, accepted, appreciated part of a community. It is more than merely being with like-minded people. It encompasses the sharing of noteworthy experiences, mutual empathy, common goals, and a sense of being “connected” in a meaningful way.
(Ideological) believing - the sense of personal embodiment of an overriding system of values and principles of life, beyond the everyday mundanities of living, beyond unbridled competition, materialism, and acquisitiveness. It refers to a raison d'être, a moral compass, a spiritual guide.
(Altruism) benevolence - the extent of self-initiated mentoring and magnanimity, caring for others, nurturing and supporting, giving of one's self for the benefit of family, friends, the less fortunate, etc.
In times of conflicts, turmoil, pandemics, humanity does have the resilience to take a leap forward and blossoming into wiser beings who want to contribute (to society, to others, and to themselves) despite the chances in which they find themselves.
We are confronted with the opportunity and the challenge to choose. The crucial question is: do we have the heart to do so? Who do you choose to be now in the middle of this chaos? And who do you choose to be after this has passed?
Perhaps these inquiries are a seed to start noticing and make more conscious choices on being, belonging, believing (perhaps this is the beginning of resilience). In the words of Maya Angelou:
“You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise…”
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